i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
