I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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