and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
