if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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