even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
