put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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