my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
