also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
