I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
