WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
