you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
