im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
