i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
