This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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