We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
