eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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