Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
