I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
well you can't waste a boner
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
