Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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