But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
