I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize