Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
