so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
