Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
