her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
