Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
