Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
