Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So apparently I’m into choking now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
