k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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