it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
