i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
