i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
