Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
