i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
