The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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