Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize