I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
