direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
