We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
