Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
