Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
