No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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