the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize