Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
