I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
