I'm really into asian looking animals
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
