I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
