i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
