would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
