One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
