I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize