worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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