dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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