So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
