Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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