she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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