I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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