I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
