your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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