Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
