why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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