I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
