I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
