I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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