Are we in a gay sports bar?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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