Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
