Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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