The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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