I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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