no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize