My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
