fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
