Do you still have your period?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize