You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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