i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
