i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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