no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize