My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
