i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
