This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
