Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
