Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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