My room smells like vodka and shame
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
