i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
