I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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