i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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