its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if only i could text you this smell
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
