Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
