i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
