that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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