please come you make the beer taste better
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
