Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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