I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
