watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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