I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
