I accidentally had phone sex last night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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