my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
