I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
