I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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