last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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